URGH, ok stop right there. Life has been manic, hence the radio silence.
Instead lets talk.
If you follow me on Instagram/Twitter (which has been updated since March) you may have noticed (or not) that I’ve started my own social media consultancy, it’s goddamn exciting and there is so many amazing things happening.
I launched CAKE (how apt) because I may just be the biggest social media nerd-burger you’ll ever meet. So yes, I basically just created my dream job title because you only live … (finish that for me)
All that above happened about 7.5 weeks ago, resigned from my job, YOLO'd out and took a risk, which is a scary thing in itself.
Let us fast-forward to the weekend just past.
A much needed city escape to Batemans Bay on the coast of NSW.
A weekend filled with all the cute stuff, lots of driving, ad-libs raps, truckloads of pepperoni pizza from Sam’s Pizzeria, Haribo sweets and the infamous Berry cinnamon donuts (and GOOD coffee).
....pause, more on that later.
Sunday night we re-entered the big city and we capped off a successful road trip with a Cat Stevens burger from Deans in Newtown (I’m lying it was a wrap).
I walked into my home and discovered we had been broken into [insert vom].
Why am I telling you this?
I have never been so affected, shaken and stirred (I definitely need a drink) by a situation, and I know I'm not the only one.
…so perhaps by writing this someone else who this has happened to and reading this can find some solace that they aren’t alone. Or, for you to just be an awesome friend and support them when they’ve been so violated by common jerks.
As I type this I am sitting on my bedroom floor, my absolute sanctuary. Sydney can knock you about, like any big city, especially one that doesn’t entirely belong to you.
Everything looks so different now, even from my happy bedroom floor-sitting place. It’s no longer my safe-haven and I would feel safer sitting in Kings Cross right now than I do in my own home.
These intruders not only broke into my home, pillaged through all of my drawers/cupboards but they stole my work/lifeline - my computer.
Before you ask, yes I do back up ... onto the hard-drive that they stole (rad assholes)
happier times with my macbook (I'm officially lost the plot)
They took other things but to be completely honest with you, I don’t know, and can’t deal with it, and I probably don’t even care.
The black and white powder markings all over the house from when the Police forensics team came to dust for fingerprint evidence serves as a constant reminder of what happened, mainly BECAUSE IT DOESN'T COME OFF!
I’ve slept at home twice since it’s happened, but no matter how many times I clean my sheets, freshen my room, tidy and try to forget - I can't.
Not so awesome for someone who has trouble sleeping to start with.
SRSLY. HOW FUCKING DARE YOU.
Anyway, if you haven’t picked up yet I’m not quite dealing with this all.
However, I’m forcing myself to see the positives, because as someone pretty rad told me this morning #THINGSAREGONNAGETBETTER.
Here are my curated tips of what to do in the event of a home invasion [pls don't take me srsly]
- Before you jump to conclusions stop for a second. You MAY NOT have been broken into, perhaps you just drank too much tequila, forgot to clean your house for 2 weeks, and your laptop is actually in the tree outside. (that was supposed to make you laugh)
- Think of the intruders as Miley Cyrus twerkin as they pillage your home, and then just be so confused that you don’t remember/care you were robbed because #foamfinger.
- Since you’re computer (insert other items) have been stolen, you can replace with super awesome new stuff
- THROW OUT YOUR TOOTHBRUSH! Just trust me, do this
- You are allowed to be sad for 7 days proceeding break-in and can eat as much chocolate and gelato as possible.
- Don't cry/eat chocolate for over 8 days, people will start to get annoyed and you're really going to have to start dealing with this.. plus that much chocolate ain't good.
- Cuddles from loved ones required on the reg.
- Listen to Jay-Z, NWA and Odd Future to make you feel like you’re a gangsta and 'no one gon mess wit chu'
- Scouring pawn shops around the area is a waste of time but kinda funny. Submit all serial numbers and details to the police. Every pawn shop in Australia have to process all serials numbers through the police SO THERE IS HOPE.
- Liquid soap apparently removes finger print powder (here's hoping)
An open letter to the creeps
Thank you for completely violating my privacy, it was really rad that you decided to steal probably my most valued possession because #newbusiness , but seriously that MacBook was covered in black Copic marker and the start up disc was getting a little clunky. I’m impressed you found the time to put it in the leather case, at least it will be safe.
If you go through my computer you’ll find videos of my brother dancing to Michael Jackson and Usher
NT. my brother isn’t gay.
I hate you.
Also I know you took the Haighs chocolates and my housemates fake tan; I hope you choke on a chocolate macadamia and turn orange.